Halloween

I love Halloween. It is my absolute favorite holiday because I get to dress up in revealing clothes and I don't have to be my nerve rattled self for a whole night plus the whole candy deal. That's pretty sweet too. Last year though, I decided that I was going to be scary and not sexy. So I made a scarecrow, propped him up on my porch and had a bowl out that said please take one. Like the parents do when they aren't going to be home that night but don't want their house egged.

With that set up, I bought myself a grim reaper cloak, mask and scythe and sat out in the graveyard decorations around my house. With it being so dark, you couldn't see my eyes through the mask and I blended in perfectly with the eerie decor that was my yard.

I have, of course, perfected the art of being ignored. Many small kids ran up the driveway remarking upon the cool statues and running away with as much candy as they possibly could. Naturally I used my scythe to decapitate the stealing little munchkins.

Censored 

Nope just kidding, although that would have been nice. No, I just turned and scared them so when they threw their pillowcase/pumpkin in the air most of it fell out and I could just restock my bowl that way. It pays to think ahead with these sorts of things.

Cue screams of horror.

I saw some of the best facial expressions ever and it was mostly from the parents not the kids, which made it all the more sweeter. But my favorite has to be the one near the end of the night. This little boy was being driven around by his mom. Which is ridiculous? Walking burns the calories of the candy you are planning to consume later. She drops him off and he does not want to get out of the car. She screams at him that it's just a statue and to man up. The boy reluctantly climbs out of the car and gets as far away from me as possible. I don't move, I just watch. He goes up to the candy dish, looks around and grabs a fistful.

Now I was planning to leave this poor kid alone, as he looked ready to wet his pants. Nobody gets away with obeying my lovely sign and I know that it is my duty to take him out. So I turn slowly and lunge toward him giving a horrid screech. He throws his bag straight into the air and watches his mother take off down the street.

That's right, I scared his mother so badly that she took off without her child. Not very far and she did come back for him. I had to take off my mask and calm him down. Something that does not come naturally nor am I any good at it but I tried.

Would you like a dog biscuit? I have beggin' strips.