I Had a Question

I have an intense fear of approaching people, this includes people I know. If you send me the first text, call or start the conversation I don't feel like I"m bothering you and it makes my day go that much smoother. Of course in life there are many things that I don't understand and as such have to ask for help, since school wouldn't let me use the Google on my homework in class.

This fear extends to things like waiting in line in the supermarket checkout. I see an open lane and then I feel like I have to wait awkwardly to the side until she waves me forward. And if the person is talking to another cashier I will wait until they are done or someone notices me. It's like this in any sort of line but I want to take my story today back to school.

I'm so glad I never have to go back to that place again. Yes you do. Your degree is in education. You have a job starting in August. 

I also hate teachers that reorganize the class. I was happy in the back and no I don't need to meet new people. 

Here I am sitting at my desk doing the work when I come across something I don't understand. I rapidly flip through my textbook but to no avail.

Crap, now you have to go ask for help. But no one else has asked for help yet. They'll be watching you, judging you. I don't care, but I do care. Man, I just wanna read my book. Can't do that till the work is finished. I should go. Come on legs let's do this.

I get to this weird half stand/crouch position when I notice another student walking up at the same time.

But I stood up first. Then just go stand behind her. I don't want to seem impatient. Well you better do something. Your legs are cramping from standing funny and I'm pretty sure the back of the room is getting a great view of your butt. There you go. Stand up tall right in the aisle and don't move. Just stand. Hands, do something with your hands. Dear Lord, you exhaust me. Maybe we should just sit back down. Make something up. Grades never bothered us anyway. Oh wait yes they do. I don't know anymore. You're on your own kid.

I can see the proverbial headlights bearing down on me. 

With the voice in my head abandoning me. I felt frozen in time. I couldn't move. I could only stand and wait until the conversation was over. It seemed like forever. Maybe sitting down was the right call. I should just make something up. Oh wait she's done talking to him. Finally my turn

Can I help you? 

And I've already forgotten what class this is and my initial question. Way to go brain! It's a wonder I made through high school.